Campus Currents

What kind of schtick do you use when you're trying to be the funniest person on campus? If you're Tyler Paterson '06, you impersonate an old sea salt, with an eye patch and a pirate costume and plenty of pirate jokes: "We had a deaf pirate on board and we had to speak to him using sign language. Except for the pirate with a hook for a hand. He could only ask questions."

Bringing up finances, Paterson adds, "You know, it's not that easy to keep a pirate ship afloat. So I ride a new ship these days, Corporate Sponsorship. They pay for everything we need as long as we're willing to make a few slight changes. For instance, we have to refer to starboard as Starbucks. We also have to say, 'Shiver me Timberlands.'"

Evan Rossman '06, a contestant who gets lost driving in Boston, riffs on directions. "If you're giving me directions, do not say this phrase, 'If you see the bridge, you've gone too far.' Why would I go too far? If they're bad directions, I don't want them. I want bad directions just as much as I want bad advice. I don't need a stock broker coming to me saying, 'Evan, we're going to invest all your money in ping pong balls. Now if you lose all your money, then you'll know that you probably shouldn't be doing that to begin with.'"

And if you're first-place winner Kaitlyn Hennigan '07 (left), you give advice to freshmen trying to navigate the dining halls. "Stay to the right. Check your blind spots. Keep that tray in close. Make a real short turn. You've got to go with a strategy, a game plan, if you will." And, she added, "If your ass does not beep when you move, do not back up."

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