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A UNH study of more than 2,000 children and caregivers nationwide found that 35 percent of the children had been "hit or attacked" by siblings in the previous year, compared with 20 percent reporting attacks by peers. When bullying comes at the hands of an older siblingâ—the very brother or sister the victim wants to look up to—it is all the more emotionally devastating, says Finkelhor, who was the lead author on the study. And while peer bullying can be occasional or short-lived, sibling bullying is often chronic.

Whatever the source of the victimization, it's important to remember that bullies, too, need understanding and help if we are going to change their behavior, he says. Some bullies see themselves as airing grievances because of lack of respect. "Bullies need to feel that their needs do matter and need to be shown what to do so that they feel respected and can get what they need without resorting to violence," he adds. "Rehearsals and role-playing about how to handle various kinds of conflicts can help." He also suggests open discussions about earning and giving respect, and emphasizes the need to give children skills to negotiate with each other when there are disagreements.

Parents of a bullying youngster need to put embarrassment aside and get help as soon as possible. In some cases, they may need assistance with parenting skills, especially if communication has broken down and they are resorting to yelling or maltreatment in an attempt to change a child's behavior. Substituting positive reinforcement and incentives, while making the consequences for misbehavior clear, can be much more effective, says Finkelhor. In some cases, a Parent-Child Interaction Therapy program or a similar resource that helps parents become more effective in managing their children's behavior can be useful.

Early intervention may have long-term benefits, keeping would-be bullies from becoming part of a sobering statistic. "Research is clear that kids who bully in school tend to end up with problems later in life," says Finkelhor. At least one study conducted in the late '80s in the United States indicated that school bullies had a one in four chance of having a criminal record by age 30. But, he cautions, studies have not yet shown whether bullying is a cause or an indicator of those problems.

Children who survive childhood bullying are, themselves, helping in a small way to turn the tide on the issue. UNH alums Huss and Caron both carried their experiences with them, a common tendency when bullying has been long-standing. In the end, both say they are stronger for what they endured—and learned. In high school, Huss recalls, he was more empathetic than he might otherwise have been. By this time he was an athlete and could easily have retaliated against his former tormentors. But he didn't. "I always remembered how bad and helpless I felt," he says. Huss also became a champion of other victims. "I would stop bullying or fighting when I saw it," he says, and as a father, his children always understood the family rule: no taunting or teasing.

Caron, too, developed a hard-line perspective based on his childhood experience. Today he heads a division of a large construction company. The traditionally macho industry is, he notes, "not known for its particular concern" when it comes to bullying. Not so in his company. "Each and every one of my employees knows the consequences of our zero-tolerance harassment policy," he says. "My experience molded my perception of the issue as a serious one."

All those concerned with putting an end to bullying—researchers and parents, educators and survivors—know that the issue is, in fact, a serious one with complex personal and social consequences. Making zero tolerance the norm, rather than the exception, could, in the words of one UNH alum, "have an incredibly positive impact on human behavior." And there is always the hope that successfully tackling bullying could also help to prevent bullying from ever again becoming a factor in a heart-wrenching tragedy. ~

Karen Tongue Hammond is a freelance writer who lives in South Bristol, Maine.

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